Let’s just say I’m Asian.
When I was in grade school, my first sexual encounter was in kindergarten, when a Black classmate from the projects stuck her hand in my sweatpants and played with my penis. She laughed and giggled and had a great time and exclaimed “I can’t believe it’s so small!”
When I was in high school, my high school sweetheart (White) told me that “it was just a perfect fit” (referring to my dick inside her).
Then, years later, in the fifth serious relationship of my life, a White girl tells me, “I can’t believe how big your penis is.”
As an adult, I’ve had a Colombian girl nation-alize my sexuality, saying that Americans are known to be great in bed; I’ve had a White girl art-ify my sexuality, saying that artists know how to sense their partner’s needs intuitively; and I’ve had a Black girl mutt-ify my sexuality, telling me that my combination of two different races was just so hot, and a “perfect mix.”
I’ve had every explanation in the book for my sexuality, but never, ever in my life, for my Asian-ness. Why? Because racism.
As an adult, almost 30, I realize after much feedback, from many relationships and a few one-night stands, that I’m pretty good in bed. So many girls/women have cum on me so many times–more than we could count in a single night… I’m starting to realize this skill as a fact, after the years and years of insults that reach me in person and through the media, for Asian-American men across this country.
If you’ve questioned the size of my penis in the above words, you are a racist. I’m not Asian. I’m actually white. If you have been affected deeply by my opening statement, “let’s just say I’m Asian”, (which is factually not untrue), and felt it appropriate to connect it intrinsically to a discussion about penis size, you are racist. I just said I’m Asian to test you. I’m not actually Asian.
Don’t worry guys, we’re all racist (just a little bit)! But just so we have that out there, and you White readers have had a little time to get over your guilt, we can now really start the real talk.
(Just kidding, I’m not White, I am Asian.
…Or am I? I guess you’ll just have to keep reading…)
I would like to shift focus towards the (perceived) sexuality of African-American people, since there is truly no other way to address race in our society, than through the brutal, faulty, binary logic of Black vs. White.
Amidst the ugliness of racism, there are a few poetic links between Asian men and both Black men and Black women.
I have a few Black friends that have admitted to me of the absurd pressure of a Black man to have a porn-star sized penis, especially when sleeping with racist White women.
In this particular instance, Black men hold a stereotype in favor of Asian men, that of penis size. But similarly, and potentially much more damaging, Black men are stereotyped as lazy and unreliable, while Asian men perceived as hard-working and reliable. What’s important is that each stereotype complements the other: Asian men can only be hard-working and reliable because Black men occupy the equally racist position of lazy and unreliable. Black men can be perceived as sexually gifted with huge penises because Asian men occupy the equally racist role of small-penised and asexual. Each label can only be occupied by one race only: a false scarcity of satisfying sex and a responsible work force, respectively, is created to assert White supremacy on all races.
Under the surface, the other hidden connection is between Asian men and Black women. Black women suffer from de-valued sexuality the same way Asian men do. This is directly linked to the hyper-sexualization of Asian women and Black men (both within a White pan-genderized and pan-sexually racist lens). It is as if only enough sexuality for one gender per race is allowable under White supremacy–a cruel way to enable White rape-culture upon people of color. Black women are not considered as attractive as White women because the racially sexualized female is currently occupied by Asian women, similar to how Asian men are considered not as attractive as White men because the Black male currently holds the same role of the racially sexualized in the male camp.This niche, the racially sexualized, does not pertain to White people, because they are the standard, even among communities of color, through the saturation from the media and entertainment industries. Being racially sexualized is a fundamentally dehumanizing social niche that limits the target’s romantic potential, whether you are on the “winning” or “losing” side.
If you’ve made it this far, good job. If you wanted to stop reading because you couldn’t mop up your tears in time for the next paragraph, you’re racist.
If you stopped reading because I didn’t clearly identify my race to you, then you’re a racist.
I can’t clearly identify my race because I’m mixed race: Irish and Chinese. I’m both and neither, everything and nothing. I never lied when I said I was White, I never lied when I said I was Asian. These self-racializations were my choice–my way of forcing you to grapple with the absurdity of race for yourself.
Aside from race, though, I want to say that I love all people, and I wouldn’t mind fucking the hell out of as many of them as possible.